When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.” - Jane Wagner 28. “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” - Mark Twain 27. "Story of my life: I knew better but I did it anyway." 26. “It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” - Jerry Seinfeld 25. "If you fall, I'll be there." - Floor 24. Howell in a 1966 episode of "Gilligan's Island" written by Joanna Lee) 23. “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.” - Unknown ( but often misattributed to Gertrude Stein and more likely said by Mrs. Other days, it takes me three hours to convince myself to shower." 21. "One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. "Every time you are able to find humor in a difficult situation, you win." 19. RELATED: 15 Funny 'Over It' Quotes For When You're Feeling Frustrated 18. "If you stumble, make it part of the dance." "When life puts you in tough situations, don't say why me? Just say try me!" 17. Oh my God, I'm scared of $10.6 Billion." 16. "If size really mattered, the elephant would be the king of the jungle." 15. "Are you really living life or just paying bills until you die?" 14. I just can't figure out who's going to do it." 13. Other days I put my keys in the fridge." 12. "If at first you don't succeed, fix your ponytail, and try again." 11. "To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid." 10. "Life is like looking for your phone, most of the time it's in your hand." 9. "I am presently experiencing life at a rate of several WTFs per hour." 7. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses." 6. "I never knew a single noise could actually drive a person insane, but then I had kids and realized all things really are possible." 5. "I know I'm a handful but that's why you got two hands."Ģ.
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